Sara Bareilles is brilliant...

"You know, if I could change anything, I think I would start with the name. The truth is all those angels started acting the same.  And I know there's no going back now, 'cause life in Eden changed... No way to make the pain play fair. It doesn't disappear just because you say it isn't there. So when they ask 'why'd she go?', you can say 'cause life in Eden changed."  -Sara Bareilles

"Back to Me Without You" excerpt (from The Band Perry)

For... years I've lived my life way out on a limb
I put my faith in you not knowing you would break in the end
I hate feeling fallen...
I added rain to your ocean
What did it do, it meant nothing to you
You made grief my chief emotion
Why'd you have to do what you thought you had to do?
I don't know if I'll be back again
Turns out they were right again
(Get back to what you know
Get back to what you do)
Gotta get back to me, ooooo
If it's true home is where the heart is
I guess now I'm homeless
(Get back to what you know
Get back to what you do)
Gotta get back to me without you.

Instinct

How much do you pay attention to your gut instinct?  How much do you let your first reactions influence you?  When your gut is saying something that you have know way of 'knowing' to be fact, do you dismiss the instinctive reaction, or do you accept it as truth without the ability to verify it?
And then further, I wonder where it comes from too.  There are little things we pick up on about people, places, events.  Things that we must process subconsciously without being aware even of the exact details, and yet they form a broad picture that leads to our drawing specific conclusions.  What a complex thing the human mind is, and what an amazing 'super-computer' to draw snap judgments without even cognitively processing the facts.  Occasionally, my brain will do math without me thinking through the actual process consciously.  The first time that happened, it freaked me out.  I knew the answer to a mathematical problem, albeit a simple one, without consciously adding and subtracting to arrive at the answer.  That was a weird moment.  So maybe that's how our brains process what we term 'gut instinct.'  Our brains add and subtract different factors to arrive at a conclusion, and they do it so quickly, we don't even consciously enter into the process.  Something to puzzle out later when I'm a little more awake...

Niagara

Standing at the edge of this cliff
Gravity being what it is
I'm afraid that I might stumble
'Cause I've never been this high

Baby, it just has to be what it is
And asking me not to love you
Is like asking Niagara not to fall
I can't worry with my heart, what if?

Alis volat propriis - She flies with her own wings, even on broken wings.

All I’m doing is swimming against the tide.

There’s no stopping this turmoil inside.

Sometimes in the midst of it, I wanna run and hide.

Living life from day to day, trying to learn amidst the pain.

Trying to find the higher ground;

Always moving upward, never looking down.

I’ve been running, hiding;

Scared but trying,

To make sense out of the madness,

Rise above the clamor.

There’s an answer, somewhere in the confusion.

Don’t want to buy into the delusion.

I’m sick of the heart contusions.

Not my problem,

Not my turn to fix it;

Somebody has to say nix it.

Leave behind the darkness,

Walk out of the storm unharmed.

Learn from others’ mistakes,

No more time wasted to deliberate;

This is not my fate-

To be a product of the same.

I will be better,

I won’t let it consume me,

Won’t let it ruin me,

I’m gonna take my wings and fly away.

Searching for the Antidote to Death

Some scientists now believe that processed sugar is so harmful to the overall health of humans that it should be taxed in the same manner as alcohol or tobacco, and sugar should also be a controlled substance kept away from minors.  However, when your body breaks down food, it turns much of it what it digests into sugars anyway.
Too little sun can cause vitamin D deficiencies and seasonal depression.  Pro-longed sun exposure has been linked to skin cancer.  Too little exercise can lead to numerous health issues.  But on the other hand, running, especially on hard pavement, is bad for your knees and joints. 

It’s a mystery to me the way the human mind works at times.  What good does all of this research and over-abundance of information do me?  It overwhelms me at times.  All of the new discoveries and breakthroughs in the realms of science and health research.  New information is available almost on a daily basis.  I can log onto any news web page and find myriad articles on “Top 10 Cancer Fighting Foods” or “The Top 7 Foods You Should Avoid”.  And every time I read another one of these articles, one more thing in the world is less ‘safe’ for human consumption.  Even foods and habits that were previously thought to be healthy are called into question, until it seems that nothing is safe, nothing is wholesome, nothing is right for obtaining health.

It suddenly dawned on me yesterday why that is… it occurred to me why all the confusion, why so much uncertain information, why so many conflicting ‘facts.’  It’s because humans are caught in this endless search to fight something beyond our control.  We are trying to find the antidote for our own mortality.  Somehow we think if we just do enough case studies, enough scientific analyses, more experiments, or simply eat the right things and live a healthy lifestyle we will finally unlock the mysteries of eternal life and find ourselves the victor of death.  You may laugh at that statement, but if you examine it more closely, isn’t that exactly what we are trying to do?  I suppose I should have realized it long before, but the idea is so far from my typical thought processes that it took awhile for it to sink in.

We can’t just accept that we are mortal beings, with a finite lifespan.  We have observed the cycle of life for thousands of years on this planet, and yet we still deny reality.  Some of my earliest memories include attending the funerals of great-grandparents.  Just as surely as each of us has been born, each of us is destined to die at some point.  Depending on your age or relative health this fact may be more ‘real’ to you.  It is easy when you’re young to think that you’re immortal, especially if you’re blessed with good health. 

After my initial realization, the next thought that occurred to me is we are seeking for our own answers because many of us don’t like the Answer that has already been provided.  Some of us don’t even believe in this answer, some of us have lost hope in it, some of us have never heard of it.  But regardless of your faith or belief system, it is a singularly universal fact that most of us have some desire for something beyond this life, whether it is simply a longer life, finding the antidote for death and achieving immortality, or faith in a life to come after this one.  It seems to me that if this is true across cultures, countries, languages, and religions that somewhere embedded within mankind is the realization that we were meant for MORE than this life here and now.  Somewhere within our collective consciousness as the human race, we instinctively and intrinsically recognize that this is not the way things were meant to be.  How else can one account for this expectation for something we have never experienced as a race, something we can barely even tangibly grasp within our minds, and yet long for so forcibly that we spend our lives, our money, and often our careers in pursuit of?   It seems to me that you cannot desire what you have not previously known, that you cannot want what does not exist.  How can you long for something you do not even know of?  I, personally, don’t see how there can be any other answer.  And this fact alone, is proof enough to me that there is more than just this life.  There is more in the universe than what we see, there is and was a Divine Creator who planned more for us than what we know now, and who is waiting to show us His way.  

There is no meaning otherwise to this senseless parade of molecules across time, this ordered chaos that drifts through the ages of human history with a vague premonition that we are all demoted somehow from our intended existence, from our rightful place.  And we have no one to blame but ourselves.  We have fallen from favor through our own selfishness and arrogant pride, and we are all craving the presence of God, the giver of Life, and trying to fill the void with our useless human ‘facts’.

Maybe it’s time we stopped trying to find immortality on human terms, and settled it on divine terms instead.

Cacophony

Living surrounded by other people constantly is sometimes a challenge for me. As much as I try, I sincerely don't understand people who can't go ten minutes without some sort of noise in the background. I wonder if it's because they are constantly trying to escape their own heads or can't stand to think for too long. For example, people who bring music players to the shower with them. I know music can help some people focus when they are concentrating, but how much focus do you need to take a shower? Now, I love music more than almost anything else, but the shower is often the only quiet 15 minutes in my day without someone talking or something playing in the background. It is my quiet time to wash away the cares of the day and listen to nothing but the water running. I don't really want to listen to your Indie pop for ten minutes of that. I realize it's just a difference of opinion, but I'll be honest - I got cranky. That is probably only a sad commentary on my character. But in either case, I made sure to hurry out of the shower and turn on my hair dryer full blast. I hope she appreciated the 'background noise.'