Life Lessons

Lately I've been feeling like there are a lot of people in my life that I can't count on. It seems like people say things about what they will do, and then they never follow through on it. They tell you that you matter to them, and then they leave you hanging.

It has been a life project of mine, over the last several months especially, to look for the bright side or for something positive that I can take away from every discouraging situation.

Truthfully, I've always felt that I have been a fairly loyal friend, dependable & reliable, and that I follow through on what I say. (Often that is to my detriment, because it seems many people prefer casual friendships or people who don't actually care.) But there is always room for improvement, so I'm going to look for ways to learn from my experiences.

I'm trying to learn patience, something that has never come easily for me. When people flake out on me, most of the time it's easier for me to just write them off and move on. Or sometimes if they really matter to me, I obsess about it for awhile and wonder what I did wrong.

Slowly I'm learning that not everything someone does or says is actually related to anything I've done or said. Sometimes people just act in certain ways and there's really nothing I can do about it. Sometimes there's actually nothing I can do to change a given situation. That's probably the hardest lesson of all for me to learn. I always feel compelled to try to make things better, or find a way to be a better person so the situation will improve. And sometimes, it's just beyond me and the hardest part is just to let it go. I've had to make some tough calls recently regarding friendships. I've had to do what I believed was best for the friend in question and what was right at the risk of losing the friendship. It's the easiest choice I've ever made and yet the most heart-breaking at the same time. It's made people angry at me, and it's made them think I wasn't a 'good' friend, at least in the way that they wanted me to be. But I've learned the hard way that popular and right are often polar opposites. Sometimes you have to be strong enough to make the tough calls and let the chips fall where they may.

Integrity & sincerity, loyalty, dependability.... those come naturally to me, but I do have a whole lot of patience left to learn. I have to learn to just let things go sometimes. I have to learn to let go.

Maybe there are a few people out there still who will value my "steadiness" as a good quality, instead of viewing it as something that makes me boring or old-fashioned. In the meantime, it's not fair for me to expect people to be something they are not. It's not my call to make about how they live their lives, even if sometimes it affects me greatly. The only thing I can do is live the best I can and allow others to make their own choices and live their own lives. I'm the only person I'm actually able to change.